Saturday, February 27, 2010
I know I really haven't blogged much about this little baby girl I'm about to have? I'm 30 weeks along, and I guess a part of me feels a bit guilty?? I'm just going to be honest... the second time around (atleast for me)? has been quite different..I feel like when you are about to have your first baby you start to feel this love that you have never felt before and it was for me, consuming my every thought, conversation, i read all the books, spent all my time preparing myself for him to come! it dragged because I just couldn't wait to meet him. I felt like I became the person I had always wanted to be when I brought that little man into the world? the day I had Ethan was the best day of my life! just ask my close friends I couldn't even talk about that day or babies without tearing up it was so special! So I guess what I'm saying is I've felt a bit guilty for not being so "into" this little baby girl of mine? don't get me wrong I love her so much already and would die if anything happened but I've been just waiting to feel the same as I did with Ethan and I just haven't? this pregnancy has also been a bit harder, but I don't think that's it? It's been a real struggle for me and had many conversations with my husband about it so the reason I'm sharing this is I talked to my sweet mother in law who has had 6! children and we've always been close, she just has that ability to always make you feel better. and I wanted to share incase anyone has felt the same way? she told me that "the love you feel for your first is not different then your other children, but just new to you". she said "it's like you have an empty spot in your heart before you have a baby, that you just didn't know was there, and it's filled up with a love you never had felt, when you have your first child,it doen't mean you love any others less but your heart already knows the love and it's just not so new"? I guess it just made me feel so much better to hear that what I've been feeling is "normal" i guess.. so for those who only have one, or no children don't put the pressure on yourself to have this "Idea" and expectation that it's all suppose to feel the EXACT same cause lets be honest it will never be like your first! I think i've wasted alot of months now thinking that somethings wrong and I'm a bad mom? after I let the guilt go I've been able to just have a NEW experience with little baby Brooklynn.. we love her so much already!